Jun

The Forgotten Ones

Filed Under (Uncategorized) by Beth Still on 18-06-2010

I have been looking at this blank screen for hours trying to figure out how to start this post. I know I need to write it not only because it will be therapeutic for me, but because I know I am not the only one it will help. People have often told me they like my posts because I write about things that are personal. Well this is about as soul-bearing as I can get without offending anyone.

I started teaching a little bit later in life. This coming school year will only be my 6th year in the classroom. I felt I had some catching up to do to get to the level where other teachers my age were. I think this why I took to professional networking so well. I had a need and desire to connect with other professionals. At the time, there was only one other teacher at my school. I was desperate to find people that “got” me. In the spring of 2008 I was slowly starting to find those people. As I was preparing to go to NECC08 (now ISTE) in San Antonio I starting building my personal learning network. I would stay up half the night reading people’s bios trying to find people headed to Texas that I could meet up with and learn from.

The connections I made at NECC08 became the core of my personal learning network- a network that continues to grow to this day. I get so much personal satisfaction from working on growing my network. I see it as a professional accomplishment that I have so many people I can call colleagues and friends from all over the world. My connection with many of the people I follow on Twitter carries over to various Nings, Facebook, Skype and Google. There are lots of times I am engrossed in conversations with people in my network, but this has come at a cost.

The time I have spent cultivating my PLN has cut into time that I could be spending with my family—–more specifically my husband. He is so incredibly supportive, but losing time with me and watching me form friendships with people across the United States has been difficult for him. When I go away to conferences it is especially difficult because I am terrible about staying in touch. It is so hard to find time because I am usually going full speed from 6am to midnight. Phone calls are usually rushed and that makes him feel like he is not important. Needless to say he is less than thrilled that I am spending time with people that I barely know or whom I only have “met” online. He wants to understand why these people are so important to me, but no amount of explaining helps. He is in law enforcement so for the most part his coworkers are all right here in the county where we live.

I am lucky enough to be spending some time with my PLN in one of the most beautiful and pristine places in the world in the days leading up to ISTE. I have asked my husband to travel to where we are staying to spend some time us so he can get to know the people that I call my friends. He will get to meet my mentor, the person who nicknamed me Bubbles, and the person who helped me see the purpose of Twitter. He will also get to meet the NECC09 Newbie and the ISTE10 Newbie in addition to meeting a few others who have played a role in my life over the last year or so. I cannot wait to share all of these amazing people with the most important person in my life.

I know I am not the only one that tends to forget about my spouse or significant other from time to time because I am so focused on my PLN. Please share this post with them and ask them to leave a comment. It would be interesting to see how many other people feel like my husband. This is one of those topics that is pretty personal, but it affects more of us than you might think. Even if your spouse has never complained about the time you spend with your PLN then this post might be a great conversation starter.

10 Responses to “The Forgotten Ones”

Kristofor Still Says:
June 18th, 2010 at 10:08 p
I just wanted to say thank you for writing this post. It has been hard for me from time to time, but I would have to say that I more at ease with your trip to ISTE this year than I have been in the past.

I just wanted to say that I will continue to support you as you are the most important person in my life as well!

I am also looking forward to meeting some of the incredible people that you are constantly talking with and writing about.

I hope ISTE 2010 will be a wonderful experience for you! I will do what I can to help this be the best year ever!

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Colette Cassinelli Says:
June 18th, 2010 at 11:37 p
My husband came to NECC09 last year and really enjoying seeing the sites of DC at his own pace, then meeting me up with my PLN for happy hour. We spent some time together being tourists and I didn’t feel like I missed out on the conference. Supporting each other and getting involved in our jobs is all part of being married. I can’t wait to meet your hubby and thank him for sharing you with us!!!

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David Duez Says:
June 19th, 2010 at 7:53 p
Very nice blog post. You could probably find hundreds of people with the same story, but a different career situation. Maybe someone training to be a doctor, lawyer, etc. It is a part of life and it’s so easy to feel guilt over trying to improve your professional performance at the sake of time with your family.

Luckily, I personally have a wonderful wife who is also a teacher. So she is great about understanding. But, I know I have to make up for lost time frequently. This next week I’ll be at AVID Summer Institute in Dallas and one of the things I am super excited about is using my webcam to communicate with my wife and son. It’s little things that will hopefully help make the trip more bearable, in terms of being away from them.

Hope ISTE is a good one for you.

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Josh Says:
June 19th, 2010 at 8:04 p
Kris – it’s not just Beth that does this. Everyone who delves in full speed has to consciously think about taking the pedal off sometimes. Being a part of a PLN enhances what you do in the classroom and it’s something many of us are very passionate about. My wife is due with Baby #2 shortly and it’s forced me to all but step out of the PLN car and focus on what’s important. The excitement of keeping up with what friends are doing is a strong pull…but as I hear my 9 month pregnant wife getting frustrated with my potty training son…I feel the need to conclude
Thanks Kris, for being supportive. Anyone who is successful can’t do it without a strong foundation at home. She knows she couldn’t have done it without you.

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Lee Kolbert Says:
June 19th, 2010 at 11:53 p
Beth,
Thanks for a great, heart-felt post. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who greatly supports my interest in all these “crazy” ventures. He’s so not interested in anything to do with technology but is happy if I’m happy. He would come with me to a conference if I really wanted him to, but I know he would not have a good time as he is actually quite shy with strangers and then I’d be worrying about him.

I wish he would embrace all that I do, but it’s just not him. After 25 years of marriage, I’ve learned that’s perfectly OK.

I’m looking forward meeting your husband and seeing you again.

Thanks again for doing all that you do. See you soon!

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Cory Plough Says:
June 19th, 2010 at 12:33 p
Great job with this topic Beth.

As you probably remember, right when you were starting out your PLN, I was beginning to take time away from mine. I had been going strong for 18 months of working/learning/growing online everyday, nonstop after I got done with my paid job. It felt great to be connected to people I learned so much from and who understood what many people I worked with failed at. However, I had to cut myself off because I was taking time away from living just to learn and connect online.

I love my PLN, but do not spend much time growing it or feeding it anymore because I like balance in my life. In fact, Im often amazed at how so many people, people who often have the largest PLN’s, can dedicate so much time to having their head down reading their phone or computer. Those that can find balance and still work on their PLN at a high level are amazing to me. Im just not very good at doing both.

Thoughtful and relevant post. Well done

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Beth Still Says:
June 20th, 2010 at 10:52 p
Just wanted to clarify—-my husband isn’t coming all of the way to Denver. (He’d be miserable at the actual conference.) He is meeting up with me and 15 or so people from my PLN who are spending several days together prior to Edubloggercon. I wish I could bring him to Denver for a day, but at least he will get to meet the people I am closest to.

After thinking about this topic more I don’t think it is the connections I make that are bothersome to my husband as much as the time of day that I am online. I have always worked beyond the end of the school day, but until two years ago I did it alone. Now when I work online I might be carrying on one or two chats or even working on a project with one or more people. Even though these people are my colleagues and these are the types of conversations we would have if we worked in the same building it is still frustrating to my husband to see me work so much. It is hard to back off when, like Cory mentioned, I am connected to an entire world of people that share my same passion and enthusiasm. It is nice to be connected to people who are generally positive and upbeat. If someone in my PLN is being too negative for too long a period of time I will stop following them. (We all go through slumps which is understandable, but I have no desire to follow anyone who complains all of the time.)

I am so lucky to have a husband who is willing to work with me and support the things I want to be a part of.

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monika hardy Says:
June 20th, 2010 at 7:05 p
very cool post Beth…

hope you have a lovely time.

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Stephen Says:
June 26th, 2010 at 6:01 p
Hi Mrs. Still,

This is Stephen and I am a student at the University of South Alabama. I have been assigned to your blog by Dr. Strange and our class is called EDM 310. I really enjoyed this post because we have just started talking about PLN’s in this class and I have just started mine. I haven’t really been separated from anyone because of work of course, but college life really has gotten my girlfriend and I distant. So in that sense, I can relate to your situation.

I will be following your blog for a while so, if you would like to check out our class blog here is the link: EDM 310

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Kristofor Still Says:
June 26th, 2010 at 10:26 p
I think you have found especially in the last week that I will always be your biggest fan! I will always stand behind you and support you because you are an amazing woman, an incredible teacher, and my beautiful wife! I really do understand you!

Since you wrote this, I believe that you have a better idea of what the right balance in your life should be. I am looking forward to being able to spend time with you again!

Your loving husband!

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